Valentines Survival Guide (or is it?)

Yep it’s here once again and doesn’t it seem once Valentine’s Day draws near everywhere you turn all you see are a plethora of the ‘oh so cliché’ “single person survival guides.” As a single person, I find this to be a horrendous practice. A survival guide? Really, a “survival guide??” This is supposed to help? Survival guides are for desperate people lost in the wilderness, starving, freezing, and hunted by wild animals. Apparently that’s what I and my fellow singletons are to the non-single world: the metaphorical equivalent Bear Grylls!

I have no problem with Valentine’s Day. It is a fine day for people who love each other to take time out to celebrate that love. You may be one of those people who say, “You shouldn’t need one day to be romantic, you should do it every day of the year.” Ahem, sure thing. Every day, you should also show your Mum and Dad you love them, celebrate your religion and honour your Saints. But I don’t hear people rising up to stamp out Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas and St Georges/Patricks Day. Oh and as for you cynical lot sold on urban myths, Clinton Cards did not invent Valentine’s Day. They just took something someone else invented and turned it into a cash cow. Kind of like Amy Winehouse did when she “borrowed” the song “Valarie” from The Zutons. Yes, I just likened Clinton Cards to Amy Winehouse.

I digress…

Valentine’s Day is a fine way for couples to celebrate, but implying that single folk need a “survival guide” is just plain preposterous. It actually makes things worse. Rather than just happily going about our business around this time of year, we are constantly reminded of our singleness. It’s like someone who breaks your leg and then sells you crutches – solving a problem I didn’t have until you created it!

The sad thing is that singletons really get into this. I used to get down on the Valentine’s Days that I was single. “Why is everyone else in love but me?” I even used to throw “anti-Valentine’s Day” parties where single people (okay just me!) would get together and watch the most unromantic movies possible, like “Predator” and “Terminator 2” – Arnie and excessive explosions just seemed to make everything better.

Then there came a Valentine’s Day where all of my friends were either with their other halves ‘on dates’ or otherwise engaged. I felt a sense of dread creeping up, like the feeling you get when someone leaves you a voicemail that just says, “Give me a call, we need to talk.” I was going to be single and alone on Valentine’s Day! Oh no! Fortunately, I had a moment of clarity and thought back to the great words of Detective John Kimble (Kindergarten Cop), “Stop Whining.” By celebrating “Anti-Valentine’s Day” I was just giving power and significance to it. The better approach was to just ignore it. It’s similar to dealing with Katie Price; if we would all just stop paying attention, she would go away.

And that’s been the case ever since. No more parties. In this way, Valentine’s Day is like any other day. I plan to get up, do some work, make some people laugh, have fun, and go to sleep just over the moon with who I am and what I am up to (and yes, I realise the irony of telling you I am ignoring Valentine’s Day in an article written about Valentine’s Day!).

But just to keep this article well balanced and unbiased for those truly wishing to get into the spirit of Valentines, you really have only three main rules to adhere to:

Plan Ahead – Buy, book, make, or arrange your chosen gift well in advance. Don’t leave anything to the day before or on the day. You are only guaranteed to be met with disappointment and the prospect of a partner-less February 15th!

Don’t feel the need to ‘think big’ – Don’t fall into the trap that bigger and more expensive is better. It’s never a competition and generally it can be perceived as “buying your way out of something”.

Try and make it personal – If you’re the type that believes nothing says “I love you” better than Boots vouchers then pay close attention. The chances are you know your partner better than most; hence you’re perfectly equipped to know exactly what would make for the perfect loving gesture. Re-visiting an old place of significance – where you had your first kiss, first restaurant… The list of possibilities is endless, but so long as it shows you’ve really given it some thought that’s all that counts.

Stay tuned for my next article… ”Oh how I cried over valentines with a bottle of Bombay Sapphire”

Enjoy all!